By John Cruzoe
Football players touch each other’s private parts – Most football
skirmishes end up with players handling each other’s many parts, such as
squeezing, knuckle smacking or whacking the male organ, to obtain an unfair
advantage when undetected by referees.
Athletes are seen as running advertising billboards – Jerseys are
peppered with a large tan cat of the family fedilae, a swoosh and the three striped triangle logos.
This will make you think that World Cup participants are being manipulated by
corporations. (So as the NBA…but it a cooler sport!)
“World” in World Cup is misrepresented – Not more than 35 countries
participate in the so called “WORLD” cup. Then why use the term “World”? It
baffles me.
Football fans are hooligans – I have seen tons of online football
videos and it is scary. I mean, is violence part of the game when one team loses?
Get a grip all of you football fanatics. If you can’t handle defeat then might
as well watch NBA Basketball.
Football is mind-numbing (PERIOD) - Football ridiculously decelerates your competitive edge.
Similar to a car wiper that sways like a sloth, you’ll be frustrated that it
cannot wipe out the pouring rain. There is no momentum when a midfielder
dribbles a ball to a forward. The pace is just too lazy. Your six packs has
come and gone before the ball reaches near the opponent’s goal.
Football athletes are wimps – A minor scuffle happens then an
athlete will fall on to the field, and act out an Oscar winning drama. Stretchers
will be demanded, and game time will stop to a halt. By this time, you have
consumed 3 kegs of beer and the game has not carried on. In comparison to
Baseball or Golf, admittedly is also slow, to an observer, there is a sense of
moving on with the game. In baseball and golf, most of the time, it moves
forward. Unlike in football, it goes back and forth…back and forth…back and
forth…ZZZZZZZZZZZ.
You only need half a brain to play football – There is no strategy
in playing football. Kick the ball, run towards the other goal and that’s it.
Tell me, where is the excitement in that? It is painstakingly too
uncomplicated.
Penalty cards – How dim-witted can that be? No need to standardize
the level of consequence. Much more color code the severity of the
penalty. If there is an offense, then
simply whistle and call out. Organizers must be thinking that. Using colored
card will enhance the thrill of the game. Monotony is monotony. Nothing can
improve dullness.
Tied game – After battling boredom for about 90 minutes you end up
with a tie. This game policy alone, which allows both teams to hold the same
score at the end buzzer, will, if truth be told, kill you. Your sanity will be
on overdrive.
Football is never tactical – Let us look at chess, a player uses
both hands and brains. Strategy is at play. It encompasses a thousand moves to
pin down a king. The rules to play football are written within the name itself,
FOOT-BALL. My four year old need not know the basic rules of football. Just
take her to the park and hand her a ball, then she knows what to do next.
Football athletes and fans do not bathe – No need to expound on
this. Just watch FIFA World Cup and you will know exactly what I am talking
about.
Not popular in America – The reason why it is not popular in the US
because of two things: first, it is a cheap sport. Meaning, one does not have
to buy sport accessories such as body armors, helmets, gloves, or sports caps.
Just wear ordinary sneakers and you can play football. In other words, America
would prefer sports that third world countries cannot afford to play. The other
reason is that it was never invented in America.
Football has no integrity – Case in point, let us take the football
player Francisco “Paco” Gallardo. Google him if you wish. In celebrating a
goal, Paco bit his teammate’s private manhood part on national TV. Why? Only
football fans may know. You never see this in the NBA, NFL, MBL/AL, or in the
NHL. This game is purely perverse and not kid friendly.
Football fans ignite themselves – In not so extreme cases, some
football fans light themselves up for no
apparent reason. This goes to show you the average mental capability of
football fans.
Football cheering is stupid – Football cheering most of the time
manipulates the course of the game. It makes teams call for time outs and
messes with the play clock. Inside a football coliseum, everybody sings the
same song. Whether you are with team A or team B, you will hear the same
meaningless song. It does not have a purpose at all.
Written by Bizchum
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